Protector
by Beaker Bait
Summary: I wish it were as easy to stop hating as it was to start.
1. Crash Landing

Title: Protector

Summary: "I wish it were as easy to stop hating as it was to start."

Spoilers: Anything from all three seasons is fair game though I don't think there will be any big ones.

Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis is not mine. Only the story line and any made up characters that may appear in the story belong to me.

A/N: This is what comes about when you suffer from insomnia and watch old Startrek Voyager episodes to pass the time. Story idea is based on a Voyager episode called 'Nemesis'. I own nothing to do with Startrek, that sadly is somebody else's sandbox.

First chapter's a shorty, but I don't plan to make that a habit.

--

John groaned as he slowly drifted back to consciousness, his whole body seemed to ache but for the life of him he couldn't remember what he'd done to put himself in that condition. Deciding to peel his eyes open he winced as bright sunlight assaulted him making his head pound, snapping them shut he pleaded for his head to stop pounding. It took a moment but he was finally able to open his eyes enough to look around. Seeing that he was lying in the back of a jumper everything suddenly came back to him in a rush.

Since Rodney was busy playing with some new Ancient toy and Teyla and Ronon were visiting the mainland for the weekend John had decided it was as good a time as any to take a couple of newly arrived Lt.'s out in one of the Puddle Jumpers to give them a chance to get use to flying them. Their mission had been simple scout out MX2-444 for any inhabitants and if there were none tag the gate to be harvested for the intergalactic bridge between Atlantis and Earth.

After coming through the gate the Jumper's sensors had detected life signs several miles from the gate. Deciding to check it out John had ordered the Lt. piloting to head that way. They'd barely been on the planet twenty minutes when they came under fire and started to lose power. Remembering something McKay had done once John had gone to the back of the Jumper to access the control panel back there, that was the last thing he remembered before waking up.

Lifting his head to get a better look at the damage John froze in surprise when he saw that the entire front section of the jumper had been ripped off and sat face down several feet in front of the back section. The front end had obviously taken the brunt of the impact since it looked like a tin can that had just come out of a trash compactor. The Jumper must have crashed squarely nose first then the force of the impact had caused the thing to snap in half. Closing his eyes in remorse John lowered his head back down; there was no way the two pilots could have survived. Knowing that just lying there wasn't going to get him home any fast John forced himself to his feet and staggered out of the Jumper. He'd barely gone five feet before he realized that getting up just then may have been a bad idea as darkness overcame him.

--

The next time John came around it was to the sound of hushed voices arguing.

"We should just leave him here," a deep voice whispered harshly. "Or better yet we should just kill him. He is obviously allied with the Ishtan."

"We don't know that," another slightly higher pitched voice whispered back. "Does he look like an Ishtan soldier?"

"No, but his ship is similar to Ishtan design and he came from the direction of their lands."

"I don't care, I am the higher rank and I say we take him back and let the Commodore decided."

The next thing John knew hands were none to gently grabbing him and lifting him off the ground. He wanted nothing more than to struggle and fight back but couldn't find the energy to do so, before he knew it he blacked out again.


	2. Introductions

A/N: (Beams at the wonderful reviews) Glad that you're liking it so far, hope I can keep up to your standards.

snow6835: The over all plot line will be the same but as for anything else I guess we'll just have to wait and see (I say we because I don't know myself yet, muses can be tricky like that sometimes).

Stargatecrazy: I doubt that there will be any, but we'll see.

Everyone else thanks for the reviews, keep 'em coming (puts on big huge puppy dog eyes).

Oh yeah, I know I totally jacked a line from BSG, but I just love the line so much I don't know why. All credit goes to whoever came up with the line first.

--

Once again regaining consciousness the first thing John became aware of was that he was no longer lying on the hard ground but something softer, not a whole lot softer but still softer. Suddenly feeling like there was someone watching him John bolted upright reaching for his sidearm which wasn't there.

"Easy stranger," a hand on his shoulder had John jerking away ready to defend himself, remembering the brief conversation he'd heard earlier.

John felt the hand move away as he turned to look at who had spoken. The man was nothing overly special, he had short dirty brown hair, he was of average height, he looked as if he hadn't had a decent shower in a while and the obvious uniform that he wore looked like it'd seen better days.

"You're lucky to be alive, stranger." The man continued ignoring John's reaction. "My men that found you showed me your ship's crash sight." He paused a moment. "I'm sorry about the loss of your companions." He spoke like a man who knew all to well what it was like to lose people.

"So I take it you're the one in charge?" John questioned as he swung his legs over the edge of the cot like thing he was lying on.

"Of course, forgive my lack of manners. When you have been in the killing fields as long as I have, manners have a habit of being tossed aside." The man moved to sit on a chair across the room. "I am Commodore Braxton commander of the 2nd infantry of the Delran Protectors."

"Colonel John Sheppard." John replied not giving any hint as to where he'd come from. He didn't know this man and had no intention of endangering Atlantis. Running a hand through his hair he winced slightly when he hit a particularly sensitive spot on the back of his head.

"I apologize if the Protectors that found you caused anymore damage. I'm afraid they were unsure of what to make of you, we have never encountered anyone with the level of technology that you posses that was not Ishtan."

"Ishtan?"

"You truly are a stranger to these lands if you do not know the Ishtan beasts." Braxton stood and moved to a small cabinet where he pulled out two glasses and a bottle of clear liquid. He poured the glasses and handed one to John, before retaking his seat. "It's not much, but in times of war one must learn to do without."

Carefully John took a tentative sip only to find that it was just water. "I came through the Stargate…" He paused at the confused look on Braxton's face. "Big round thing looks like water shoots out of it when activated…"

"The Ancestral Ring, yes I know of it. Though few Delran's in these ages have ever visited it since it resides in Ishtan lands. Why would you come here though, surely with a ship like the one you had you could have gone anywhere?"

"My people and I, we're explores, that's what my men and I were doing when we came under fire."

"Yes the Ishtan beasts are ruthless when it comes to control of the skies."

"Yeah anyways I really need to be getting back." John set his glass aside and stood up. "When I fail to check in with my superiors they're going to send more people after me. I don't want what happened the first time to happen again."

"I understand but I'm afraid I can't help you." Braxton stood as well. "My men and I have been ordered to meet up with the 8th infantry, that's a two day hike from here, we leave at first light. You're welcome to join us, I'm sure once we reach the 8th infantry they'll know of away to help you. Of all of the Delran infantries they are the only ones who have been as far into Ishtan lands as the Ancestral Ring and returned to tell the tale."

"I appreciate the offer, but I can't wait two days. I have to get back to the gate now. How far is it from here, would I be able to make it there on foot?"

"It would not be wise to venture these lands alone and on foot. Not only are the Ishtan beasts about everywhere but you would have several of the traps to deal with as well."

"Traps?"

"Yes both sides have laid all kinds of hidden traps along the borders between our lands to aid in keeping the others out."

John hated the situation he was in, but couldn't see anyway around it. He was on an alien world in unfamiliar territory, unarmed, and he had no idea which direction the gate was in. "Then I guess I have no choice but to take you up on your offer."

John just hoped like hell that where ever this 8th infantry was that it wasn't out of radio distance from the gate, otherwise Elizabeth would be forced to send a second Jumper and risk losing a second team.

"A wise choice, now come it will soon be time to dine then sleep. A long two days ahead awaits us." Braxton ushered John out of the tent into the open air, before being called away leaving John to find his way around the camp on his own. The place was a blur of motion as soldiers both healthy and wounded moved about in an almost frantic pace stuffing their belongings into bags, breaking down tents, or just trying to move about without getting in the way.

"Here it's not much, but…" A voice John recognized as being the higher pitched one he'd heard before turned to see a young man with blonde hair and a uniform in simailar condition to Braxton's holding a wooden bowl out to him. The kid couldn't have been more than twenty.

"Thanks, I'm sure it's great." John took the bowl as he found an out of the way place to sit down.

"They call me Grady." The young man sat next to John and started eating from his own bowl.

"John," John returned the introduction.

"You should learn to stop being so friendly, Grady." A voice John recognized as being the one that had wanted to kill him earlier spoke. Glancing up John spotted a young man with black hair and an even rattier looking uniform plopping down across from them. He looked to be the same age as Grady maybe a little younger.

"Ignore him," Grady huffed. "Jaden wouldn't know how to make a friend if his life depended on it."

"It's not that I don't know how, it's that I choose _not_ to." Jaden shrugged as he started in on his own meal, "hurts a lot less to watch a stranger die than it does a friend."

John's graze snapped up to look at Jaden, spoon frozen half way to his mouth. If he didn't know any better John could have sworn he was looking at himself ten years younger right after Mitch and Dex had just been killed outside of Khabour when their chopper took an R.P.G. while trying to make a med-evac. After that he'd sworn to himself that he would never get close to anybody ever again and he hadn't until he'd come to Atlantis.

He hadn't even realized it was happening at first, but before he knew Elizabeth, Rodney, Teyla, Carson, Ronon, and even Ford for the short time he'd been with them, had managed to worm their way past all of the walls he'd spent years putting up to the point where he couldn't image life with out them. John felt pity that a kid who hadn't even really had the chance to live his life was already so bitter and had no idea what he was missing out on.

"Out their in the wilds did you face any?" Grady questioned, snapping John out of his thoughts.

"Face any what?" John lowered his spoon back into the bowl and set it aside, not all that hungry anymore.

"Any of the beasts."

"No I didn't." John shook his head. "I passed out not long after making it out of my ship. Don't know how long I was out before you guys found me and brought me here."

"Don't feel bad Grady hasn't faced them yet either, have you Grady?" Jaden made it sound like an insult to never have faced the enemy.

"I am ashamed to say no I haven't. This is my first tour of the killing fields." Grady seemed to pull in on himself a bit.

"Don't worry Grady your time will soon come. How many will you send to the depths of the underworld?"

"As many as I'm able," Grady squared his shoulders in confidence.

"Me, I'll send one for every family member killed by those beasts and then two more for good measure. True or not, my allies?" Jaden addressed other's who had gathered around to eat their own evening meals.

"So say we all," various voices spoke up agreeing with their comrade.

"So say we all," Jaden nodded before returning to his food.

"These Ishtans why do you call them beasts?" John questioned Grady since Jaden seemed to be ignoring them now.

"It's told they all wear the same horrid face. Their flesh is gnarled and blistery, like that of a rotting corpse." Grady tried to hide the shudder that ran threw him. "And who but a beast would leave the bodies of our dead down turned, denying them the passage into paradise that they so rightly earned?"

"Sometimes people say terrible things about their enemies to make them seem worse than they really are. There might be some young Ishtan soldier out there who's more afraid of you than you are of him."

"Those beasts weren't afraid to burn my village to ashes, nor scared of slaughtering my kin while they slept." Grady's voice went ice cold and his gaze hardened.

"I'm sorry," John didn't know what else to say. It was hard losing people you cared about and nothing anyone said could change that fact. A silence fell between the two.

"Have you ever killed another?" Grady broke the silence not long after.

"It's the worst thing I've ever had to do." And it was too, John didn't enjoy killing he hated it, but sometimes it was a necessary evil to protect the ones you cared about.

"Then the enemies you killed weren't nearly as beastly as the Ishtan."

"You'd be surprised." The wraith came to John's mind first, followed by Kolya.

"To the Ishtan we are less than nothing. They flame our homes, take our lands, and make playthings of our mothers and sisters. If you were a Delran you'd crave to drive them from this world just as I do."

"Probably. But on my world we try to find other ways to resolve differences. Peaceful solutions, negotiations. Granted that doesn't always work, but we at least try before going into all out war."

"Enough talk, finish your meals then off to bed with you. We have an early morning ahead of us." Braxton appeared ushering his men off to bed much like a father would his children. He stopped in front of where John and Grady sat, "Grady tomorrow you will instruct Sheppard in the use of Delran weaponry."

"Hold on a minute this isn't my war. I'm not planning on shooting anybody." John protested. "I just want to get back home."

"And an honorable goal that is, but if we encounter the Ishtans they won't care who you are, they will just as likely kill you than look at you. You will defend yourself or you will be slaughtered, it is your choice."

"Right…," John's day just kept getting better and better.


	3. Battle

A/N: Just a heads up this chapter might be a little bit gory.

--

The next morning after breakfast had been eaten Grady ushered John off to the Delran version of a shooting range to begin his weapons training. It didn't take John long to realize that the guns the Delran's used were unlike anything he'd handled before.

"You should aim higher." Grady instructed. "With these rifles it is always better to aim high, like so." Taking aim with his own weapon Grady proceeded to again show John the proper way to fire his rifle.

"You're good." John complimented after Grady had hit the dead center of the target every time.

"Do you mock me?" Grady challenged.

"That was a compliment, trust me." John held up a defensive hand. "I'm not stupid enough to mock somebody with an aim like yours."

"It's one thing to fire at paper targets, but much another to kill another living being, that's what the Commodore teaches."

"He's right, killing's not easy."

"Risking my own days and nights to drive those beasts from our world that should be as easy as a long sleep," Grady lowered his weapon turning to face John, hatred of the Ishtans burning in his eyes.

"Says who?"

"My brothers and uncles who came to the killing fields before me. Their words are wise and yet…"

"You're still afraid." John reasoned easily.

"I am not afraid!" Grady snapped.

"There's no shame in being afraid of fighting, it's natural." John tried to reassure Grady.

"How do you figure that?"

"Because I've been in battle before numerous times, fighting to protect my people from many enemies."

"These enemies were they beasts?"

"Let's just say they weren't very friendly. The point is, even though I believed in what I was doing, I always felt fear before a fight."

"You're words are wise, I will think of them. Now come I believe you have a good enough grasp of our weapons to defend yourself decently enough, we will be moving out soon and you still need to change."

"Change?" John hadn't expected that one.

"Yes, in the wilds it is better to blend, your coverings do not." Grady answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Right, of course what was I thinking?" John had to admit Grady had a point and didn't argue when he was given a Delran uniform to wear.

--

For the first day and for most of the second the infantry walked with out any trouble and John knew that, that just had to mean trouble was right around the corner. No sooner had he thought that then one of the Protectors near the front lifted his first it what must have been a halt signal because instantly the others stopped moving and crouched down to the side of the path they'd been following. There was brief conversation between the soldier and Braxton before the Commodore moved to where John, Grady, and Jaden crouched.

"What is it?" John questioned.

"Body neck-strapped and down turned, left to be cooked by the glare." Braxton answered anger clearly in his voice. "By his markings he's of the 8th infantry, likely a scout walker."

"Desecrated by the Ishtans no doubt." Jaden's voice rang with rage.

"His sole forever forced to travel away from Paradise." Grady whispered softly.

"You two double time it to the merging point," Braxton pointed to Grady and Jaden. "See what you can learn."

Not having to be told twice the two trotted off ahead of the group to scout ahead. After what felt like forever to John but couldn't have been more than twenty minutes the two young men returned.

"What have you glimpsed?" Braxton quickly moved to their sides, John close behind.

"The 8th infantry dead sir." Jaden responded.

"What, all of them?" John already had a pretty good idea what the answer was.

This time Grady answered, "at least twenty Protectors, and that's not the whole telling of it. They're…they're all…"

"Tell it, Grady! They're all how?" Braxton dreaded what he'd hear.

"Like the scout walker sir, down turned. Staked to the dirt and down turned."

"Those motherless Ishtan beasts!" Braxton turned to John, "do you glimpse the fullness of it now, stranger?"

"I'm starting to, yeah." John nodded.

"Now you understand why we name them beasts and not men?"

"I'm sorry."

"We're much more than sorry, aren't we, my fellow Protectors?" The Commodore addressed his men.

"Yes, sir!" They all responded.

"The beasts want your plantings."

"True, true."

"He wants your homes. He wants your mothers and sisters! But does it suffice him to kill you? No. He craves to shame you; mock you; keep you from paradise! We're wearied of it, aren't we?"

"Yes sir!"

"And we won't stand for it any longer!"

"So say we all!" The soldiers where getting worked up by now. John had to admit Braxton knew how to rally the troops.

Then without warning all hell brook lose as the group suddenly came under fire. For several moments it was nothing but chaos as men scrambled out of the open looking for cover and trying to figure out in what direction to fire. Then as if things weren't bad enough the skies opened up and rain began pouring down making things even more chaotic.

The enemy fire cut through the rain slamming into one of the soldiers crouching next to John. The bullet slammed into the side of the man's face with enough force that even over all of the commotion around him, John heard the neck snap like a twig. The man hit the ground, the mud sucking at the edges of his form, the side of his face missing.

Soldiers screamed shouting challenges and orders, their cries mingling with those of the charging Ishtans who were now only recognizable on the opposite ridge as faint, nightmarish shapes in the rain.

"Fall back, fall back," Braxton's voice could be heard over the commotion of battle. "Fall back and regroup."

John moved with the rest of the soldiers, stumbling and staggering, digging the toes of his boots into the rapidly-eroding mud of the small incline they were trying to climb up, clenching his teeth against the aggravating trickles of water that worked their way under the collar of his uniform. Behind and slightly to the left of him two bodies twitched and screamed guttural, rain-choked cries. John hesitated a moment, then dislodged his boots and slid down after them – you didn't leave people behind.

He landed softly in a small splash of dirty water and mud. Half his uniform was solid black and he felt the grime wriggle its way beneath the layers and coat his skin. Carson was so going to insist on giving John every antibiotic he had and then some after this. The first body he came to was obviously beyond help he didn't much of an abdomen left, just a steaming, cauterized cavity devoid of organs.

Scrambling to the next body John quickly felt for a pulse, it took a moment but he found a slow sluggish pulse. Hearing a moan come from the man he glanced at the face and paused when he saw that it was Grady. He quickly looked the younger man over. John let fly a string of curses in virtually every language he knew when he saw the right arm ended just below the elbow and was still gushing blood.

Grady reached up with his good arm and griped John's shirt, "Don't…don't let them leave me down turned…make sure I make it into paradise…"

"Don't talk like that," John started ripping strips of cloth from his shirt to make a tourniquet. "It's just a flesh wound. You'll be good as new in no time." Working quickly John wrapped the stump up only to curse again as the bandages were instantly soaked in blood.

Okay plane B, reaching over John grabbed a handful of mud and started packing it around the bleeding stump. If the rain didn't wash it away before the blood supply to the limb was cut off, Grady might have a chance.

"What are you doing, get a move on Sheppard." John looked up in time to see Jaden grab the back of his shirt and start pushing.

"Grady's hurt we have to get him to a medic." John broke lose of Jaden's hold.

"Leave 'em."

"No, damn it. On my world we don't leave our people behind."

Jaden hesitated a moment, swore then knelt down to start laying down cover fire. "Grab him and get moving I'll cover you."

John didn't say anything just grabbed Grady and started hauling the man out of danger. Behind him weapons fired and orders were shouted, he could tell that the Ishtans were getting closer. A string of bullets impacted the ground near John showering him in mud. A pain filled cry had John glancing over his shoulder. It didn't take him long to spot Braxton half buried in mud firing his rifle madly despite the fact that half his skull was missing. Not far off Jaden stopped shooting long enough to look over at his commander, continuing to fight despite the fact that he should have been dead. Then, apparently deciding that any support-fire was adequate support-fire, he went back to firing at the Ishtans soldiers that kept closing in.

Turning to continue his retreat John watched almost as if in slow motion as something slammed into the side of Grady's head spraying blood everywhere. Snapping his gaze in the direction the shot had come from John spotted a shadowy figure aiming a gun in his direction. With out thinking about it he brought his own gun up and started firing, screaming an unintelligible cry of rage and frustration; you don't just kill an unarmed and _wounded_ soldier even if he was the enemy. What was wrong with these...these damned _beasts_ anyway?

Even after the Ishtan body hit the ground John continued firing and advancing until his rifle was out of ammo. Reaching the body he used his foot to flip it over. Getting his first look at an Ishtan soldier John had to pause at the shear un-realness of it; there lying dead in front of him was an honest to God Predator, seriously the guy could have been an extra straight out of any one of the Predator movies.

John didn't have much time to ponder it further before he felt himself being pushed, "Get the hell out of here Sheppard, this isn't your fight." Jaden gave John another hard shove before turning back to the fire fight.

John didn't say anything just spun and scrambled up the ridge. Behind him heard the cries of the dying and slap of their bodies against the watery mud, but didn't stop moving all he could think about was getting out of this hell and back home to his friends, no his family. John didn't know how long he stumbled around lost before he stumbled across a small Delran settlement, all he knew was that he was exhausted.

"It's a protector, look everybody a gloried Protector." A voice somewhere off to his left shouted.

"Welcome to Tiran honored Protector." Another voice much closer spoke. John ignored all of the people crowding around him as his legs gave out and he collapsed.


	4. Meanwhile

"We found the Jumper," Major Lorne reported over the radio as he landed the Jumper in the Jumper Bay. It had taken his team three days of searching but they had finally found their missing Jumper and two of their three missing people – he just hoped Sheppard had faired better than the Jumper and the two lieutenants.

With in a matter of moments Lorne was in the briefing room updating Elizabeth, Carson, and Sheppard's team on what his team had found. "According to the ambassador we spoke with Colonel Sheppard's Jumper was shot down by enemy fire somewhere in the Northern region of their world…right smack dab in the middle of a war zone. It took us three days and a couple of near misses ourselves but we finally found it." He handed some photos to those gathered around the table. "Both lieutenants were dead and there was no sign of Colonel Sheppard in the area."

"I don't suppose you were able to establish radio contact?" Elizabeth questioned setting the disturbing photos aside.

"No," Lorne shook his head. "Either his radio's been damaged or he's out of range."

"I should have gone with him." Rodney spoke absently, almost to himself.

"And done what McKay?" Ronon shifted in his chair not liking this inactivity. As far as he was concerned all of this talking was a waste of time that could've been used looking for Sheppard.

"I don't know…something."

"It's not your fault, Rodney. We could not have anticipated this would happen." Teyla quickly diffused the brewing argument between her teammates with practiced easy.

"Teyla's right, all we can do now is figure out away to find John and hope he's alright." Elizabeth agreed. "Major were you able to learn anything about this war?"

"Not much, just that Ambassador Lar's people have been fighting a war against what they call savage beasts for more than a couple of decades."

"Is the Ambassador willing to help us find Sheppard?"

"He's willing, but he may not be able to. His resources are extremely limited, and the situation on the surface is chaotic. But he's assured me that if his troops do find the colonel, he'll receive medical attention and be transported to the nearest command post."

"Let's hope he doesn't meet up with these savage beasts first." Carson spoke what the others were thinking.

"Let me go in there and find him." Ronon demanded. "I'll find him faster than the ambassador's men."

"I understand how you feel, Ronon, but let's take it one step at a time. Major I want you to contact Ambassador Lar, ask for any tactical support he's willing to provide, maps, weapons analysis, intelligence reports, anything. Before I risk anyone else's life I want to know exactly what we're getting ourselves into." With that Elizabeth ended the briefing.

--

John was really getting sick and tired of not waking up safe and sound back in Atlantis. Preferably in his own bed, but at this point he'd even take the infirmary. Sitting up he took in his new surroundings; yup just liked he'd thought the usual primitive human surroundings found on oh so many human-inhabited planets in the Pegasus Galaxy. At least he was in an actual building this time and not a tent that was always a plus.

"Finally you're awake," An excited voice spoke up. "I was starting to think you'd sleep through the whole war."

Glancing over his shoulder John spotted a young boy probably around nine or ten standing in the doorway. He was about to respond when the boy suddenly started rapidly asking all kinds of questions, kind of McKay like, only smaller.

"Come now Merkin give the protector a chance to get his bearings before you bombard him with questions." An elderly woman appeared behind the boy carrying a tray of food. "Forgive the young one, he is easily excited." She moved to set the tray on a small table indicating for John to take a seat. "I am Lenora."

"John," John cautiously started nibbling on the food. "And trust me I'm used to dealing with easily excitable people."

"By your coverings you are a fresh Protector, true?" Merkin slid into the chair next to John and started to reach for the tray of food only to have his hand swatted away by Lenora.

"I'm not a Protector," John shook his head. "I came exploring through the Ancestral Ring, my ship was shot down in the killing fields and one of your infantries found me, they gave me these clothes to wear."

"Did you face down the beasts with them?" Lenora questioned.

"I did." He saw no reason to lie.

"Then you are a Protector even if you claim not to be and are welcome among my neighbors."

"Thank you. That's very kind."

"It is no trouble. Do you need anything else? Drink? Warm coverings?"

"What I really need is to get home back to my people. Can you tell where the Ancestral Ring is?"

"I could but it would not be wise to venture there, it is in Ishtan lands." Lenora shook her head sadly.

"I know and I'm willing to risk it. I just want to go home." John silently pleaded with the older woman to understand.

"Very well I will tell you but it will have to wait 'til morning it will be dark soon."

"Again thank you, I appreciate all that you're people have done for me."

"Our pleasure. Come now Merkin let's give John some peace to rest." Lenora ushered the boy out of the room.

John gave it a silent ten count in his head and sure enough right on schedule Merkin's head popped back in the door way; it was kind of creepy how many similarities John was seeing between Rodney and Merkin.

"I just wanted to double check that you didn't need anything else." He glanced over his shoulder before fully moving into the room.

"Nah I'm good, thanks though." John smiled.

Merkin fell silent for a moment, biting his lower lip as though he had something to say but wasn't sure about it. "The Ishtans are beasts. I don't understand why they burn our homes, take our lands… why they wish us dead." He spoke a moment later.

"I don't either."

"When I grow bigger, I'm going to be a Protector just like my brother is now. Maybe you have glimpsed him; he's assigned to the 8th infantry."

"Are you sure he's with the eighth?" John felt like he'd been sucker punched in the gut; it was at times like this that he _really_ hated war more than usual.

"Very sure my brother always tells me where he's assigned, have you heard of them?" Merkin moved back to the chair he'd occupied earlier.

"The infantry I was with was supposed to meet up with them."

"Why didn't you? What happened?"

"We were ambushed." John debated telling the kid the whole truth but decided not to. Maybe there was a chance that Merkin's brother had escaped the massacre or had maybe been reassigned and hadn't had the chance to tell Merkin yet. Yeah he didn't by that either, but couldn't bring himself to shatter the kid's world anymore than it already was. The next day John left Tiran feeling like an ass for not telling Merkin the truth, but couldn't see another choice.


	5. Massacre

A/N: Okay this is a shorty chapter but I only have a few minutes to type this up before I have to go back to work (I'm working a double today, jump for joy – note the sarcasm) and I didn't want to leave you guys hanging…too much anyway.

--

John didn't get very far before the sounds of explosions and gunfire reached his ears. Turning around he quickly rushed back in the direction of Tiran. Reaching the edge of the village he paused at the carnage before him. The Ishtan forces had moved quickly and thoroughly through the village, he couldn't have been gone more than an hour but homes had been completely destroyed, fields were burning and…John had to force himself not to be sick when he saw all of the bodies of the children, and elderly every where. By the looks of it they had been drag from their homes lined up and shot, execution style.

Moving through the village almost trance like John prayed he didn't find the bodies he was looking for. Reaching the other side of the village he dropped to his knees in sorrow when he found the bodies of Lenora and Merkin. Kneeling there in thier blood John felt a rage unlike anything he'd ever felt before wash through him, it was one thing for those Ishtan beasts to kill a wounded soldier but to kill _civilians_ that was crossing a serious hatred line in his book – a line not even Kolya had crossed.

Hearing something moving behind him John twisted around ready to take on any Ishtan soldiers that might still be around.

"Wow, easy Sheppard it's me Jaden." Having managed to get up close behind John before being heard Jaden was able to effortlessly shove the nuzzle of John's rifle to the side sending the bullet into the side of a near by building.

"Damn Jaden don't you know it's a bad idea to sneak up behind an armed soldier?" John growled, lowering his gun.

"And don't you know that it's a bad idea to drop your guard in a war zone."

"Point taken," John turned back to survey the massacred.

"Killed because they would not be ideal slave labor, to the Ishtan they would have been a waste of resources." Jaden explained.

"What about the rest of your infantry?" John finally noticed that Jaden was alone.

"Either dead, captured, or separated like me…mostly dead."

"You tell the truth when you name them beasts. What will you do now that your men are gone?"

"Join up with the twelfth most likely. There trying to free the captured."

"I'll go with you."

"No. I'll take you to command. They'll have a way for you to contact your people."

"That can wait. Right now you need my help freeing your people from those beasts." Nodding his head in approval Jaden turned and led John away from the village.

--

"Dr. Weir?" Chuck poked his head into Elizabeth's office.

"Yes, Chuck?" Elizabeth looked up from the reports she was going over.

"Major Lorne's ready to bring Ambassador Lar through the gate, just waiting on your final approval."

"Tell him to go ahead." Elizabeth nodded as she stood up and started for the door. As Chuck radioed Lorne through the open wormhole Elizabeth contacted Rodney, Teyla, and Ronon, telling them to meet in the conference room.

Elizabeth reached the bottom of the stair case just as Lorne's team and the ambassador stepped through the gate. "Ambassador Lar it's a pleasure, I'm Dr. Weir." Elizabeth put on her diplomat face as she greeted the Ambassador. "Welcome to Atlantis."

"The pleasure's mine, Dr. Weir." Lar inclined his head in greeting.

"I would like to thank you for agreeing to help us find Colonel Sheppard."

"Your thanks are unnecessary, Doctor. Any victims of those savage Delran beasts will always find friends among the Ishtan people."

"And we appreciate that," Elizabeth started to turn intending to lead Lar towards the staircase. "I would like to have a team of my men on your world as soon as possible looking for the Colonel."

"Of course but I should warn you that given the situation in the killing fields, there is a very high probability that any teams you send in will sustain heavy casualties. May I suggest that you keep your team as small as possible? I of course will send a commando unit along with them."

"Fine, when do we leave?" Pausing, Elizabeth spotted Ronon walking into the gate room checking then holstering his weapon. Next to him both Teyla _and_ Rodney stood in full mission gear. She gave Rodney a questioning look.

"It's my turn." Was the reply she got from him. That got him a raised eyebrow, "Sheppard and me we've gotten into this habit of saving each other's lives…it's my turn." Rodney explained further as if it should have been common knowledge.

"You honor you friend well, willing to risk your lives for him." Lar spoke with admiration in his voice. He turned to Elizabeth, "I would be honored to send my men into combat with your people Dr. Weir."

"Of course, whenever you're a ready." Elizabeth smiled diplomatically.

Lar inclined his head then moved back to stand next to Rodney as they waited for the gate to dial. Rodney had to force himself not to shudder as he stood next to the Ishtan Ambassador; he was never going to be able to watch the 'Predator' movies again after this, which was a shame because he'd actually liked those movies oddly enough.


	6. Not Real

Glancing up from where he laid on his belly in some underbrush John noted that the sky was darkening and growing cloudy. He hoped that it wouldn't rain again; he'd already fought one bloody battle in the rain and wasn't looking to repeat the experience. After walking for what had felt like days, but had only been an hour at most John and Jaden had met up with the 12th infantry and had been instantly deployed as a part of a team to instigate an ambush on a unit of Ishtan soldiers.

John was exhausted, hungry, and every muscle in his body felt ready to mutiny, but he ignored it, like any good soldier would, there would be plenty of time to rest after the Ishtan beasts had been dealt with. Next to him he could feel Jaden starting to get restless with all of the waiting around and had to admit he knew how the guy felt, John just wanted this to all be over with already.

Suddenly with out warning gunfire broke out and explosions started going off. John didn't know and didn't care who had fired first, all he knew was that the Ishtans were there and that it was his duty to make them pay for their atrocities. Breaking cover with the other protectors, John couldn't see the enemy at first only hear the rattle of weapons fire and see figures moving deftly though the smoke that quickly filled the area. Moving swiftly into the battle with Jaden at his side John adapted quickly to the limited visibility and soon started to make out Ishtan shapes. Not hesitating he started firing at said shapes.

It didn't take John long to realize that the Delran's were fighting a losing battle; they were just too out manned and out gunned. And even though every instinct he had screamed at him to get the hell out of doge he just kept firing at anything that moved. When he ran out of ammo he tossed his weapon aside and started throwing punches never missing a beat. Before he even realized what he was doing he had one of the Ishtan soldiers pinned down to the ground his hands tightly around the beast's throat, the sounds of battle moving farther and farther away.

"Sheppard, stop!" John's head snapped up as the figure below him gasped frantically for air and desperately fought to get free. Standing in front of him was another Ishtan beast, with its weapon lowered.

Not giving the thing the chance to decide it wanted to kill him John swiftly maneuvered himself around so that his back was to a tree. In the same movement he dragged the Ishtan he'd been choking around in front of him as a human shield wrapping an arm around its throat in a tight choke hold.

"How do you know my name?" He questioned once he was certain the second Ishtan couldn't kill him without killing his buddy.

"It's me, Ronon." The Ishtan took a step closer causing John to tighten his choke hold. The body in front of him let out a choked squeak once again starting its desperate struggles for freedom.

"John, you must let Rodney go, you are killing him." Glancing to his left at the new voice John spotted another Ishtan slowly approaching. He glanced frantically between the two soldiers trying to decide who the greater threat was. "John do you not recognize us? It is me, Teyla and Ronon. We are here to take you home."

"No, you lie." John shook his head his vision starting to blur. "You're Ishtan beasts you destroyed that village, killed all of those innocent _civilians_."

"Look closer, you've been brain washed, Sheppard." The Ishtan/Ronon demanded. "You're Jumper was shot down, these people, the Delran, they captured you."

"No, they rescued me." John's head started to pound as the Ishtan forms in front of him started to blur, being momentarily replaced with the images of his teammates. Releasing his hold on his hostage John raised both hands to grip the sides of his head.

"That is what they want you to believe. They have been indoctrinating you, training you to fight their war." This time the Ishtan/Teyla spoke up.

"Listen to Xena and Conan, Sheppard." A voice snapped, breathlessly. "They…_we_ wouldn't lie to you." John's head snapped up, there was no mistaking that irritated whiny tone of voice. Suddenly the Ishtan forms in front of him meld away to be replaced with his teammates.

"Rodney, Teyla, Ronon?" John was getting really confused.

"Yeah it's us, Sheppard." Ronon huffed.

"How….how can you wear those Ishtan coverings?" John stared at his friends in disbelief. "Those beasts they're monsters, heartless animals."

"They're the ones who helped us find you." Rodney answered rubbing his bruised throat.

"We tracked you to a Delran training camp. We infiltrated the facility, but by the time we got there you were gone. They had already brought you here to fight this battle. Before today, nothing you experienced here was real. It is the method the Delrans use to draft and train soldiers." Teyla stated softly as she cautiously moved to crouch next to John.

"I don't believe you! " John scrambled back slightly.

"We can prove it to you." Ronon stepped up, offering his hand to John.

Not knowing what to believe, but knowing that his team would never purposely lie to him or harm him John took Ronon's offered hand.

"Do you recognize this place?" Teyla asked John as the group approached a village a short time later.

"It's Tiran…" John stared in confusion at the perfectly restored village.

"It's a protector, look everybody a gloried Protector." John completely froze, his chest tightening when he heard a familiar voice shout out. It couldn't be it wasn't possible Merkin was dead; he remembered kneeling in the boy's blood.

"John…?" Teyla's hand on his shoulder startled John.

Glancing around briefly he ignored the villagers moving towards him, whirled around and swiftly started walking away. His team silently fell in step with him.

--

"Doc seriously how much longer do I have to stay here?" John was getting impatient, there was no reason for him to still be in the infirmary, he was fine. He'd been back in Atlantis for several hours now with no ill effects from his time on MX2-444 – physical ones anyway.

"You'll stay here until I damn well say otherwise Colonel." Carson stood his ground.

"Do I have to beg, because I will, I'm not above begging you know." And he wasn't, not at this point. He just wanted a shower, a hot meal, and to sleep for the next week (in his own bed) was that so much to ask?

"Look Colonel I know you don't want to be here, but you were stranded on an alien world for several days, made to hike through unknown terrain picking up who knows what kinds of bacteria, and given an unknown mind altering drug. And all of that after being involved in a serious Jumper crash," he held up a hand to stall John's protest. "I saw the photos of the crash site Major Lorne's team took, so don't bother trying to make it seem less than it was. Now I'm going to go see if your test results are finished I expect you to be right here when I get back." Turning Carson left giving Elizabeth a nod as she pasted him on her way to John's bed.

"How are you feeling John?" Elizabeth asked moving over to the bed he sat on.

"Like a hostage." John snap irritably.

"John…"

"I know, I know Carson's just being Carson," John cut her off. "But damn it is it really so much to ask to be allowed to go back to my own room? To just be left alone for five minutes?"

The sound of footsteps approaching stopped Elizabeth from replying. Glancing up she spotted Carson coming back. "Carson?

"Physically he'll be fine. By the looks of things the Delran's used a combination of mind control techniques, heightened emotional stimuli, and highly sophisticated psychotropic manipulation. From the condition of your hypothalamus Colonel, I'd say they had you so mixed up they could have convinced you your own mother was a Wraith."

"So _every_thing I experienced was just a simulation?" John scrubbed a hand through his hair.

"Except for the battle you were fighting when your team found you." Elizabeth clarified.

"And the men I fought beside up 'til then, none of them were real? Grady and Braxton weren't actually killed in front of me?"

"As far as we can tell, they were a part of the simulation. The idea was to make you bond with your fellow soldiers as well as the villagers, so their deaths would enrage you."

"Why me?"

"Just in the wrong place at the wrong time. You were just as promising a recruit as anyone else. We've been told the Delrans have dozens of these training facilities where they conscript their own people as well as any off-worlders they're able to capture."

"In short, Colonel, you've been subjected to a highly sophisticated form of propaganda." Carson summed up.

"Then the Ishtans don't kill innocent civilians? They don't desecrate the Delran's dead?"

"Honestly we don't know, but the Ishtans accuse the Delrans of the same atrocities." Elizabeth admitted.

"I wanted to kill them, every last Ishtan I wanted them dead."

"Evidently that was the point."

"Dr. Weir Ambassador Lar would like a word with Colonel Sheppard." Elizabeth turned to see Teyla leading Ambassador Lar towards them.

"I wish to tell you how pleased my people are to hear of your recovery." Lar addressed John. "I'm only sorry we weren't able to rescue you sooner from those beasts."

Feeling a rage boil inside of him John clenched his hands into fists just barely restraining him self from swinging. Wordlessly he slid from the bed he sat on and walked out of the infirmary.

"Was it something I said?" Lar questioned uncertainly.

"I'm not sure. If you'll excuse me a moment." Elizabeth quickly followed after John. "John…John…" John ignored her and kept walking. "Colonel Sheppard!"

That got John to stop, but he didn't turn around. Elizabeth approached him as if approaching a wounded animal. Gently she laid a hand on his arm, "John?"

"I wish it were as easy to stop hating as it was to start." With that John walked off again. This time Elizabeth let him go, like Carson had said John would be fine physically…but mentally that would be a longer time coming.


End file.
